Puella Magi Luna Magica
by Quatermass
Summary: Crack! Or at least my attempt at it. Luna Lovegood makes a contract with an Incubator, and becomes a Magical Girl. Unfortunately for the Incubator, he got the raw end of the deal...
1. Foreword

**FOREWORD**

It's weird how ideas get into your head. While I was writing the chapter of _Sins of the Father_ where Luna is introduced, I had this weird notion. What if Luna met Kyubey from _Puella Magi Madoka Magica?_ What if Luna got the contract to become a Magical Girl? And what if it was _Kyubey_ , rather than Luna, who got shafted in that particular bargain?

Obviously, unlike _Puella Magi Madoka Magica_ , this story is not meant to be taken seriously. In fact, I suppose it is my first attempt at a crack-fic. It might not even grow beyond the first chapter, though I hope to do so. It might forever remain a one-shot, or it could grow into a (hopefully) gloriously silly epic about Luna being Luna, and toppling Kyubey's house of cards in the process.

Anyway, what else needs to be said than to go to the disclaimers? Firstly, I will be annotating this work heavily, as with all my fanfics.

Secondly, here, there will be spoilers, especially for _Puella Magi Madoka Magica_. This is your only warning.

Finally, the following is a fan-based work. Harry Potter and _Puella Magi Madoka Magica_ are the properties of their respective owners. Please support the official release. Otherwise, I'll have Homura make you go through the most boring day of your life, over, and over, and over, again.


	2. Chapter 1: An Incubator's Lament

**CHAPTER 1**

 **AN INCUBATOR'S LAMENT**

It had all seemed so simple, the Incubator lamented afterwards. Okay, it had been some time since the Incubators had decided to go after real magic users. As they already had magical power, they needed more incentives to make a contract. Usually, the Incubators targeted Squibs, only rarely going for actual witches (without a capital letter: the distinction was very important), unless they had a lot of potential that even training wouldn't bring out.

After the great Ariana Dumbledore fiasco of 1899, though, it was decided to avoid the magic users of the world. At least until now.

This Incubator was currently staking out a couple of magical families in the village of Ottery St Catchpole. He (to use such a gender pronoun for the sake of argument) had been checking out two very good potential Magical Girls. The best candidate, however, was one Ginevra 'Ginny Weasley'. He knew what would be her wish, or at least what would influence it: one Harry Potter. Her wish would be to finally ensnare him as a boyfriend, or else do something to help him. Like destroy Voldemort or something.

The Incubator was watching as Ginny and her brothers played Quidditch. Watch the Incubator as he does so. He vaguely resembles a cat, with white fur, and pink, staring eyes, a mouth perpetually in a sort of feline grin. He seems to have two sets of ears: one pair is short and cat-like, the other pair is long, vaguely rabbit-like, albeit drooping, with hoops of gold around these longer ears.

The Magical World was in a state of fear and denial. Not long ago, Voldemort had apparently been revived in the wake of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Or so one Harry Potter claimed. The Incubators knew he was telling the truth, but most of the public in Magical Britain were drowning in denial. So much so that the Ministry of Magic, through the newspaper _The Daily Prophet_ , had launched a smear campaign.

Not that the Incubators cared, save for where they could take advantage. Which was what they were going to do right now.

But before the Incubator could make his move, he suddenly felt himself grabbed and pulled into an embrace. "Got you!" cried a triumphant voice.

"No, no! Let me go!" the Incubator cried out.

"A talking four-eared albino Kneazle-bunny, and it talks!" the voice said, in amazement. The Incubator found himself spun around, and looking into pale, wide eyes that looked quizzically at him.

The girl was the same age as Ginny, with dirty blonde hair and wide, dreamy eyes that seemed perpetually filled with wonder. She also had that sort of mind that was so open, all sorts of stuff would fall into it. She was, also, one of the potential Magical Girl candidates in the area.

Her name was Luna Lovegood. She was quite possibly insane, definitely weird, and right now, she was holding him like one would hold a new pet.

And Incubators, though they were many things, were emphatically not pets!

And yet, the little harridan was now squeezing him to her chest in a tight embrace that certainly cracked more than a few bones in the Incubator's synthesised body, and prevented him from breathing. "Awww, you're so cute!"

The expletives running through the Incubator's head were not known on Earth, and really only had meaning in the Incubators' own mental protocols. However, the rough translations would not have been very flattering.

"Oh, sorry," Luna said, releasing the Incubator from the tight embrace. The Incubator flopped to the ground, panting heavily, or at least tried to, with cracked ribs. "I was so excited to find something like you, and, well…sorry, little guy."

"It's okay," the Incubator lied. "I normally like hugs. And broken ribs."

"Really? I don't think most people like broken ribs," Luna said. "I don't think I would particularly enjoy the experience. Sorry."

"It's okay," the Incubator said. He could feel his ribs regenerating. Once they did, he got, shakily, to his feet, and looked up at Luna, his perpetual smile feeling just a touch forced now. "Anyway, hello, Luna."

"Hello, talking four-eared albino Kneazle-bunny," Luna said.

"Umm…my name is Kyubey."

Luna blinked. "Kyubey. Well, what a dull name. Have you been watching me, Kyubey?"

"Yes, I have. You see…"

"I hope you haven't been watching me all the time. Because that would be wrong."

The Incubator blinked. "…I…No! Not all the time! I'm not a voyeur!"

"No. You're a talking four-eared albino Kneazle-bunny. Nice rings on your ears, though. How do they stay there without piercings?"

"I…er…what?"

"Ah, stammering, that's how. You must do a lot of that. Must be a strange charm to use stammering to do all that."

The Incubator stared. Not that he didn't normally stare: his eyes rarely closed, and her certainly didn't blink, save for times when he was just completely stunned. But he was staring in sheer bemusement at this bizarre fourteen-year old girl.

No. He was in control of this situation. He was an Incubator, part of a hive mind with centuries, nay, _millennia_ of experience. He could turn this situation to his advantage. He wasn't going to let this lunatic of a girl stand in his way!

"I was watching you, Luna, because you have potential. You are a good witch, Luna, but your power could be so much more. And there are beings called Witches…"

"Yes, I'm one of them."

"No, Witches with a capital 'W'."

"…What a strange name for a capital. Are Witches like an entire country or something?"

"…No, but they can bring misery and despair to an entire country if left unchecked. Which is why I need your help. Witches are born from the curses of humanity. So…"

"Actually, just to avoid confusion, could we call them something else? Evil Witches? Eldritch Witches? Blood Witches? Sanguine Witches? Sandwiches? I'm hungry. Are you hungry?"

"…No. No, I'm not."

"Hmm. I wonder what you do eat when you are," Luna mused, cocking her head in a quizzical fashion. "Well, come along. I think we will discuss this over lunch."

As she skipped merrily away, Kyubey took a moment to think about what just happened. The Incubators took pride in the fact that, supposedly, they felt no emotions. But truthfully, they felt some, and right now, this one was feeling very irritated. He was meant to be the one in control of the conversation, not the damned girl!

* * *

It only got worse during the lunch the girl had, when she discarded many synonyms for the word witch, and began experimenting with portmanteau words. Eventually, she settled, much to his lack of approval, on 'Bitch-Witch', or 'Bwitch' for short.

It was a term that he considered applying to her, for all the trouble she put him through, or at least the 'bitch' part. And his eye was beginning to have a reaction that rhymed with 'Bwitch'. Namely, a twitch.

He calmed himself with an effort (' _Do not show anger towards the lesser life form. Do not show anger towards the lesser life form. Do NOT show anger towards the LESSER life form…_ '), and outlined the deal he wanted to make. In exchange for a single wish, to be granted to her, she would become a Magical Girl and fight Witches. Bwitches, to be more precise.

Luna hummed for a long time. At first, it seemed like she was thinking about his offer, but Kyubey began to realise she was prolonging it, deliberately. Whether it was because she liked the sound, or was trying to piss him off, he didn't know, much less care.

Finally, she said, "So, let me get this straight. In exchange for a single, to-be determined wish of my choosing, you will turn me into the magical equivalent of a child soldier in order to fight demonic beings known confusingly as Witches, and which should be called Bwitches. I will draw no salary, have my magical powers enhanced to heights Voldemort would envy, and probably die a gory and nasty death that would probably be rated 15 by the BBFC(1)."

Kyubey blinked. That was a very direct way of putting it, frankly. "It's not as bad as it sounds…" he said tentatively.

"No. It's probably worse," Luna said. Then, she grinned. "So, when can I start?"

"… _What_."

"I've always been one for new experiences. Oh, but what to wish for?"

She hummed again. This time, Kyubey was certain she was doing it on purpose. "Could you please stop that?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, it keeps the wrackspurts away. Helps me think clearly. Unfortunately, the wrackspurts are driven onto other people, and it makes them irritable. I'd suggest a higher fibre diet."

Kyubey couldn't help it. He facepalmed. It was something he saw humans doing, but until now, he had never seen the need for it.

Needless to say, he did now.

She continued humming, before she pointed her finger into the air in revelation. She then wrote down a place, a time, and something that needed doing. "I want this to happen. Oh, and I want to see it happen. Do you have a crystal ball or a TV to watch it on?"

"Ummm…I can take you there. Make you invisible. But why do you want to make a particular staircase in the Ministry of Magic so slippery at that time?"

"Because there's a lumpy toad in there who could stand to have a few more lumps," Luna said. "You would not believe the shade of fuchsia some people wear."

"Uh. Okay, well, as your wish will be granted, you have signed the contract to become a Magical Girl," Kyubey said, sighing an inward sigh of relief. At last, he had manoeuvred this little harridan into becoming a Magical Girl. He went through the process of giving her her Soul Gem. No need to explain what it was exactly. Just say it is the source of her magic, and that…

"Ooh," Luna said, looking at the sky blue ovoid gem cupped in her hands. "So this is what having a Horcrux is like. Without all the murder and splitting souls thing."

Kyubey's eyes widened. She knew what it was? Oh, this was a bloody disaster! He began to thump his head repeatedly on the table.

"Do you concuss yourself as a hobby?" Luna asked, tilting her head again.

"No, I've just…started," Kyubey groaned. No headache caused by him hitting it on a desk was going to be anything compared to the headache he was getting just dealing with her.

"Okay, well, what's your name again?"

"…Kyubey."

"Kyubey? Hmm…nope. Too dull. I'm calling you Wuffles(2)."

"… _What_."

"Wuffles. Because you're so cuddly."

 _Oh for the hive mind's sake_ , Kyubey…no, the newly rechristened Wuffles, groaned. He knew that no matter how frequently and vehemently he protested, he was Wuffles, now and forever. He could already hear the rest of the hive mind pointing at him and laughing.

* * *

Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic and all-round evil bitch slash human toad in an eye-burning pink cardy, was having a good day. The Minister was hanging onto her very words, she was on her way to send two Dementors after Harry Potter, and she had just received the latest Limited Edition Daily Prophet Kitten Plate. In fact, she had the parcel in her hands right now, hoping to take it home after she had her little talk with the Dementors.

Which made what happened to her a personal tragedy, but to anyone who knew her rejoice, or laugh their heads off.

A Squib cleaner accidentally spilled his mopping bucket, with suds-laden water spilling across the very step that Umbridge was about to step on. With inevitable results.

She began tumbling down the stairs, emitting _oofs!_ and _aghs!_ of pain. By the time she ended up at the bottom, she had broken all limbs save for her left arm, bruises all over, a bleeding nose, a concussion, and a grievously-injured dignity. And she was still conscious and coherent enough to start screaming furiously about traitors in the Ministry and how they broke her Kitten Plate.

Sadly, she also had an allergy to Skele-Gro, which meant that her bones had to be healed the Muggle way: in plaster casts. Something she thought beneath her. Of course, the main thing currently beneath her was the shattered remains of her Kitten Plate.

Luna smiled from her perch on a nearby bannister, rendered invisible to everyone else. And it was all Wuffles could do not to laugh out loud. But it would not do to show such primitive emotions in front of the lesser life form here.

"My, she knows some filthy words," Luna remarked to Wuffles as Umbridge was taken away on a stretcher, spouting expletives like there was no tomorrow. "I'm not sure that word is in the dictionary."

"Probably not," Wuffles said. "How did they change a toad into a human?"

"Probably Nargles distracting her mother during an Animagus experiment," Luna said offhandedly. "It must be why she's so bitter. And that means she can't go to Hogwarts and become the worst Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had, even more than the amnesiac narcissist." She hopped off the bannister. "Okay, well, let's go hunt Bwitches, shall we? And then…pudding."

Wuffles made to follow her. As amusing as this interlude was, he had the feeling he was in it for the long haul with this one…

 **CHAPTER 1 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **Well, here's the first serve of my first…well, not sure whether it counts as a crack-fic, but it's certainly not to be taken seriously. Obviously, a staircase fall in real life could be lethal…but then again, one, this is a comedy, and a staircase fall is good slapstick, and two, this** ** _is_** **the Umbitch who is suffering. Pity her poor Kitten Plate instead (I'm not sure whether I've seen any fanfic writers pick up on her thing for kittens and cats: I'm sure it's from the book, and certainly in the film).**

 **Anyway, this is more of an experimental fic than most, even with my other experimental fics. I've got an idea for at least one other chapter, but don't be surprised if this is infrequently updated. If it's updated at all.**

 **For a better-done Harry Potter crack-fic, I suggest** ** _Saying No_** **, by Bobmin356. The crack proper doesn't start until the fourth chapter, but it's still a pretty funny work.**

 **1\. For those of you outside the UK (myself included, as I am an Aussie), the BBFC basically does the film and DVD classifications in the UK. A '15' rating is equivalent to an MA15+ in Australia. I think the equivalent is an 'R' in the US, but I'm not sure exactly the equivalents of the MPAA system in the BBFC and OFLC systems. The DVDs of** ** _Puella Magi Madoka Magica_** **, incidentally, is rated 'M' in Australia. An 'M' rating is equivalent to a '12' rating in the UK, and a 'PG-13' rating in the US. I think.**

 **2\. This is a reference to two of my all-time favourite fanfics, both by Gregg Landsman. In** ** _Nobody Dies_** **, an** ** _Evangelion_** **fanfic, Wuffles is the name suggested for Sandalphon by the Ree, a name he doesn't want. In** ** _Glorious Shotgun Princess_** **(a crossover between** ** _Mass Effect_** **and** ** _Exalted_** **), Shepard decides to name Legion Wuffles instead of his canon name, and the Geth accepts the name. I am not making this up, and I fully recommend both fanfics: without them, I may not be writing these fanfics today. Hopefully, that's a good thing.**


	3. Chapter 2: B-Witched

**CHAPTER 2:**

 **B-WITCHED**

Wuffles found himself increasingly perturbed. This was, understandably, not a common state of affairs for the Incubator, but then again, this assignment had been one of many firsts. In fact, he was sure that most of the hive mind back home was sitting back and eating popcorn while watching his misery and Luna's antics.

There were many good reasons for Wuffles' perturbed state. The first was Luna's zeal. She took to fighting Witches in much the same way as a hungry man might take to eating a roasted chicken. The odd thing was, she showed little bloodlust. In fact, she treated the whole thing as if it was a game she was playing with the Witches and their Familiars.

The second thing was that occasionally, Luna would _spare_ the Witches. She seemed to know what they were, and seemed to have a gift for making some simply retreat. Wuffles simply could not believe that the Witches would simply give up, though, and yet, that was what they were doing. On the one occasion he even tried to broach the subject with her, she had said, " _All I did was make them apologise and swear not to do it again._ "

The third thing was that, frustratingly, she managed to find ways of preventing Wuffles from approaching Ginny. Every time, it seemed to be accidental or coincidental, but there was a human saying: once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, and the third time is enemy action.

The fourth thing was what happened when Wuffles, frustrated after the fifth time Luna 'accidentally' stopped him from approaching Ginny (she had trod, very painfully, on his tail), touched her Soul Gem and inflicted her with all the pain she should have felt during her fights with the Witches. The scream she emitted had been very satisfying…up until Wuffles stopped. Upon which she asked for another dose. He didn't know whether it was because she was a masochist, or whether she was unnerving him through some psychological warfare. With her, he would never know.

(It was the latter: there _was_ a reason Luna was Sorted into Ravenclaw, after all)

The fifth thing was that she didn't seem to be using her Grief Seeds. She merely seemed to be collecting them. Of course, it was inevitable that Luna would turn into a Witch, the same as every other Magical Girl, and that was the way the system worked. But Wuffles had a very bad feeling that Luna turning into a Witch was a Very Bad Idea™. It was something he only really realised upon actually making her into a Magical Girl, and he knew that the hive mind was hoping he'd get caught up in the inevitable chaos that would bloom upon Luna spawning a Witch, if only for the entertainment value. So much for the hive mind being united, stoic, and emotionless. They were waiting to see him mess up so that they could point and laugh.

The sixth thing seemed to be when she travelled to a secret location she shouldn't have been aware of (according to the wizards and witches there), went up to Harry Potter, tapped him lightly on the forehead with her wand (which had transformed into something larger, more elaborate, and more Magical Girl-like, which was one of the few things about Luna that Wuffles approved of), and had said, " _The Power of Luna compels you! The Power of Luna compels you!_ " Whereupon Harry collapsed in pain, and started oozing a vile black liquid from the scar on his forehead. The net result being that Harry was purged of a Horcrux, Dumbledore had some serious explaining to do (and wanted to ask Luna how the hell she managed to bypass a Fidelius Charm), and both Wuffles and Voldemort had major migraines with Luna causing them. Of course, with Voldemort, it was the pain of having a Horcrux destroyed, while with Wuffles…it was Luna being Luna.

Oh, and she brought back a painting of a woman with the voice of a banshee and the personality of a toxic waste dump. Wuffles eventually begged Luna to torch it, which she did with a serene smile. Apparently, in gratitude for torching the portrait of his venomous mother, Sirius Black would send Luna a basket of fruit and the first say in the naming of his firstborn, should he ever settle down. Luna had decided on Fornax(1), given the astronomical nomenclature of the Blacks' forenames. She didn't know that the last time a Black had been called Fornax, they had died of sexual exhaustion before they reached 25.

Sirius hoped to go out the same way as his great grand-uncle, though he would never beat that record.

Anyway, the upshot was that Luna was a loose cannon. No, worse than that. She was like an armed nuclear weapon on an impact trigger, rolling around loose in the back of a bomber. And unfortunately, Wuffles couldn't exactly retreat from outside of the blast area, especially as the hive mind kept making 'bwark-bwark' noises at him.

It was surprising how little time it took for Luna, then, to cause her Soul Gem to become a Grief Seed. As it turned out, though, it was no accident.

* * *

Wuffles was staring at Luna in horror. "What do you mean, you're doing this deliberately?"

"Exactly what I thought I meant. Your hive mind must have a major infestation of wrackspurts."

"But…why would you do such a thing?"

"To see what happens, of course," Luna said.

"But…what about your friends? Don't you care about what happens to them when your Soul Gem gets completely darkened?!" Not that Wuffles cared: this was just some emotional blackmail.

"Of course I care. That's why I think everything will be just fine."

Wuffles' response was cut short (was he about to shout out a warning, or an expletive? We shall never know) when everything went…well, not white. More like multi-coloured and weird, like a rainbow suffering from terminal dysentery.

* * *

In her crystal ball, Trelawney stared at what lay within. She peered myopically at the image within the ball. All she wanted was to try and get some lottery numbers for the nth time, and she was getting some ominous message in blood-red eldritch letters. It took her a moment to translate the message as 'THE DESTROYER IS MANIFEST'(2).

After realising the import of the message, she checked her hip flask to see whether she had started drinking this morning. Having realised that, unhappily, this was not the case, she resolved to remedy that situation forthwith. Inebriation would hopefully help her cope with the impending doom of the world…

* * *

Dumbledore, who was still recovering from having to explain to Harry that whole thing with the Horcrux, was trying to relax with some sherbet lemons, until Fawkes emitted a keening wail. Then, the Sorting Hat began singing an ominous chorus in Latin.

 _Estuans interius_

 _Ira vehementi_

 _Estuans interius_

 _Ira vehementi_

 _Dark Luna!_

 _Dark Luna(_ _3)_ _!_

Dumbledore sincerely hoped that this was NOT going to be the Hat's song for the year. All the same, he got a foreboding shiver down his spine when he heard that song…

* * *

Inside the Black home at 12 Grimmauld Place, Sirius, Harry, Hermione and Ron stared at Kreacher as the House Elf began wailing. "She has come! The Queen of Discord has come! Her advent will mean chaos sweeping across the lands!"

"Is he always like this?" Hermione asked.

"Actually, no," Sirius said. "This'd be entertaining if it weren't so bloody ominous."

* * *

The Weasley twins looked at each other. "Do you feel that, Forge?"

"I do, Gred. As if there's a disturbance in the Discordian Force."

"As if a thousand million voices cried out 'Oh crap!', Forge?"

"Indeed, Gred. Is this what getting religion is like?"

* * *

In the bowels of Gringotts, the bowels of the Goblins were rumbling in fear. And given that the Goblins were very much a warrior race now devoted to banking, this was actually quite an achievement.

* * *

The Centaurs peered up at the sky. It was morning, of course, so technically they couldn't see any stars. But they still did, and whatever they could see in a starless morning sky, it was something that inspired them with fear.

Even Bane, the most belligerent and headstrong of the Centaurs, was frightened. Especially given what the signs foretold. He fought back a shudder. The Centaurs…made to give _pony rides_ to that…abomination…

* * *

Peeves, the resident poltergeist of Hogwarts, and undisputed top dog prankster, no matter what the Marauders or the Weasley twins thought, was one of the few beings aware of what was happening…and wasn't actually worried. Oh, he was afraid, but in the same way as one would be afraid when one's god was coming into being.

"Peeves awaits his mistress most humbly," he said, audibly, knowing that the ghosts and staff of Hogwarts would be unnerved.

* * *

Around the world, puddings briefly achieved self-awareness for all of 1.3 seconds, long enough to shudder in fear.

* * *

When the light faded, Wuffles was very surprised to find he was still alive. And in one piece. And more or less sane. Of course, technically, being an offshoot of a hive mind, that meant little, as his body, should he be killed, could be reformed quite easily. So it should be impossible for him to die.

Then again, Luna had a knack of making the impossible possible.

Case in point, she was standing in front of him, as if nothing had happened. And the thing was, something should have happened. She should be little more than a remnant body, trapped in her own Witch form. Instead, no Witch, unless you counted the little Bitch in front of him.

"…That was interesting," Luna said. "Tasted like purple."

"It was, wasn't it? But I personally think it tasted like magenta."

Wuffles froze. That was NOT her voice, and it was NOT coming from behind him. These truths were self-evident, because if they weren't, then he was either insane, or about to be plunged into a whole new world of madness.

"Oh dear, I think we broke Wuffles," Luna said.

"Does he come with a warranty card?" the voice that didn't exist spoke from nowhere, and certainly not from behind him.

"Hmm. I don't know. He did come with those earrings, though. Maybe they're to repel wrackspurts."

"Or to defend against heliopaths."

"Hmm. Nice theory. Maybe we should test it. So, what should I call you, anyway? Sister? Luna? I mean, it might get confusing if someone calls for Luna and we both say 'yes?', and while we love more than a little confusion, well, it's like nuclear power. You can use it for good or evil, but you don't want any of it getting on you(4)."

"Hmm, good point. I don't think Dark Luna works well, despite the hair colour. And the eyeshadow. How did I get eyeshadow, anyway? I only just got this corporeal form. Or these clothes, too. I mean, I like black lace and all, but even so, where did I get it all from?"

"…Maybe the Nargles stole them from someone else and gave them to you as you were forming."

"Well, that's as good a theory as any. Now, nomenclature. Then, pudding…hmm…Luna One and Luna Two doesn't work. We sound like a Muggle space program." The non-existent owner of the voice Wuffles couldn't be hearing wasn't walking by him, and certainly didn't look like Luna Lovegood with black hair, very dark eye shadow, and a stylish witch costume in black, complete with a non-existent pointy hat. "Hmm…I'm partial to Eris, myself. You know, the goddess of discord. I mean, we love causing more than a little confusion in people, don't we?"

"Well, it's a pretty name. Okay, Eris it is!" Luna said, before hugging her non-existent Witch doppelganger.

Wuffles broke. Instead of accepting the existence of this clearly impossible situation, he stuck his paws in two of his four ears, and began chanting "Lalalalalalalalala!"

Unfortunately, two of his ears were still unblocked, and so he could hear the non-existent Eris say, "Is he chanting some spell?"

"I hope not. That can't be a valid thaumatological structure like that," Luna remarked.

"You don't exist! You can't exist!" Wuffles yelled, only to find himself picked up by the scruff of the neck by the non-existent Eris and peered at curiously.

"I thought denial was a river in Egypt?" Eris queried.

"Well, I guess he is broken. How was he to know that I would force the evolution of my Soul Gem just out of sheer curiosity? Or that it would have unexpected results? Actually, as far as dark sides are concerned, you're pretty cute."

"Thanks. It feels good to be alive. So, are we sisters, or clones, or what?"

"Dunno. Anyway, I think Wuffles here forgot the number one rule when dealing with me."

"Ooh, ooh, I know that one. Can we say it together?"

"Of course."

Then, the two iterations of Luna Lovegood, witch and Witch, said to Wuffles, in eerie unison, "I'm Luna Lovegood. When I hear the word impossible, I have to reach for the nearest dictionary."

Wuffles, with a whimper, was dropped to the floor, whereupon he curled up into a ball and cried. A few minds in the hive mind of the Incubators were sympathetic. More than a few pointed and laughed. Others still were horrified at what had just happened, and wondering whether they should kill Luna and Eris, or even whether they could succeed.

Meanwhile, Luna and Eris left the room. "Pudding?" Luna asked.

"Pudding. And then, I think I might write to Professor Dumbledore. With Umbridge gone, he'll need a new DADA instructor."

"That's so crazy, it might just work," Luna said. "I mean, you're a dark doppelganger of me based on a risky experiment in soul manipulation. We've had a narcissistic fraud, a nice werewolf, and a Death Eater masquerading as a paranoid retired Auror. You should be a great hit. Who knows, we might be able to get rid of the curse."

"I'll try eating it. Might taste interesting…"

They left the Incubator to shiver, curled up in a ball, crying softly to himself. But really, he had brought it upon himself. It was very much a self-inflicted injury.

Unfortunately, Hogwarts, and indeed the world, would never be the same again…

 **THE END?**

 **Cue Music:** ** _Magia Quattro_** **by Kalafina**

 **CHAPTER 2 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **Sadly, this will be the last chapter of** ** _Puella Magi Luna Magica_** **. This was really only meant to be a one-shot or two-shot story, and while it may have some slight promise for an extended story, I don't think I could cope with the insanity. Still, I hope you enjoyed this trip into madness. I've gotten a few reviews of people enjoying this. This is certainly the shortest of my completed works.**

 **Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed it!**

 **1\. There really is a constellation called Fornax. No, really. It's meant to be a furnace, believe it or not. I was looking for a constellation that sounded funny and vaguely dirty. This fit the bill perfectly.**

 **2\. I got this joke from** ** _8-Bit Theater_** **, namely Episode 397:** ** _Portents_** **. A similar gag to what White Mage said was also used for the Weasley twins' exchange.**

 **3\. Obviously, this is a slight modification of the Latin lyrics of** ** _One-Winged Angel_** **, the final boss battle music in** ** _Final Fantasy VII_** **.**

 **4\. This joke came from a** ** _Dilbert_** **cartoon, although instead of 'confusion', it was 'stupidity'.**


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